Seeds of Significance
by Bridlin
Summary: "Meredith! She'd let Meredith into her head. She gave herself a little shake, trying to dislodge the redhead and the seeds of… the seeds of what exactly?" Set immediately after Significant Others so some spoilers. Final chapter posted at last. Changed the rating to M.
1. Chapter 1

'You're going to love this, Kate. It's the perfect combination of breakfast and dessert. Can you imagine anything tastier?' Castle was pottering around the kitchen, getting out pans, opening the fridge and still talking, filling the silence as he so often did, but not really saying anything. She followed him over to the kitchen and watched him cracking eggs. Still talking.

Meredith! She'd let Meredith into her head. She gave herself a little shake, trying to dislodge the redhead and the seeds of… the seeds of what exactly? Did she love him – yes she could admit to herself that she loved him – any less because of what Meredith had said? No, of course not, but was their soufflé going to fall? Just what they needed! Yet another metaphor for their relationship ending in disaster. Their bubble would burst, they'd drown in a sea lies and now they were a sinking soufflé. She watched him opening a packet of marshmallows. Could she write more than a pamphlet about him?

'Fresh coffee. The one I brought you earlier went cold.' He handed her the mug, putting his chin down and giving her that seductive look that promised so much fun and she couldn't help but smile, remembering why her early morning coffee had been left to go cold on the nightstand. She saw him release a nervous breath. He was still on edge, traumatised by having his ex-wife in his home, interacting with his girlfriend, stirring up trouble. It was his own fault. He should have said no. Why hadn't he said no?

'Kate? Are you OK?' he was asking her, looking around as if somewhere in the room he'd find some sign of what he'd done wrong now.

'I'm fine, Castle. Wow! This looks delicious,' she said, realising he'd put a plate in front of her. Not his usual breakfast creation of pancakes or eggs and bacon but something that looked like an omelette although it smelled strangely sweet. She took a bite and tried hard not to gag, looking round in panic for somewhere she could spit out the truly disgusting gung she had in her mouth. Castle was leaning on his elbows across the counter from her and she saw his hopeful smile fall as she jumped down from the stool and ran to the sink to get rid of her first and last bite of smorlette.

'You don't like it?' he asked, incredulous.

'Castle, it's chocolate and marshmallow in an… Yuk!'

'OK, I get the message. I'll make pancakes.' He opened the fridge again and she pushed it closed.

'No!' He looked shocked at her tone, concern flooding his face. 'No, thank you. I really ought to go.' A hand placed lightly on his arm softened her words. She didn't want to hurt him but she needed space so she could identify what this thing was that was gnawing at her.

'Please, Kate, don't go yet. Couldn't you just stay a while now Meredith has gone? Please?' he said following her back to her suitcase. She swung on her heel to look at him and that was her mistake. It was the puppy dog look that did it. He looked lost and confused, as if his master – or mistress – had kicked him but he didn't know why.

'Come by later.' She wrapped her arms round his neck and he immediately responded, his hands stroking her back and she kissed him gently on the lips.

'I could come with you now if you'll just wait for me to get ready,' he said, resting his forehead on hers, his hands caressing her arms.

'I just need a little time, Castle,' she said, gently pulling away and gathering up her luggage.

'Time? How much time? A day, two days…?' He was motionless, his eyes wide with panic. She stopped to run her fingers down his cheek on her way to the door.

'A couple of hours, to get sorted out. My place has just been fumigated, remember?' She grinned at him and pulled the door closed behind her.

* * *

As soon as she opened her front door she regretted leaving him. It wasn't the residual chemical smell in her apartment, though his loft always smelt so good - if she had to describe it she'd say it was a combination of wood polish, citrus and vanilla – it was his look of vulnerability. It was obvious that he'd spun back to when she'd said that she needed some time and then didn't call him for months. She should have chosen her words more carefully, she thought, opening all the windows. As she unpacked her suitcase she wondered why she'd let Meredith get to her. She had got to know the woman a little more in the last few days and she'd learnt that she was smart, tough and, most of all, manipulative. But Kate Beckett was smart too and she wasn't going to let Deep Fried Twinkie pull her strings and yet…

And yet what? As hard as she tried to dislodge those pesky little seeds of something from her brain, they were trying to take root. She dropped into an easy chair, freshly made coffee in hand, and pondered what Castle knew about her. The better question would be what didn't he know and the answer to that was not much. He knew all the big stuff. He'd had to prise it out of her for years but now she gave it up willingly. It was just the little things left now, some important but mostly not. She smiled as she thought about the pleasure he took in finding out those little things, how he seemed to store them up, each an extra piece of the puzzle that he was lovingly putting together. And it made her happy that he cared enough to treasure the drops she fed him. Walls! She had no walls left when it came to Castle. It was true that she hadn't told him she loved him, not in words, but that was just about timing.

Could she write more than a pamphlet? She padded across the room to her desk and found a notepad and a green pencil. A green pencil! Castle must have left it there. He liked to colour code. She curled up in the chair, taking off her boots to tuck her feet under her and she set about seeing if she could write more than a pamphlet. She started with facts. He organised things. Everything in his office had its place. You might think that that was because he was a writer but his sock drawers were perfect, his kitchen cupboards precise and even his DVDs were colour coded. And now he was sorting out her apartment too. Her food cupboards were systematically arranged and he'd really enjoyed sorting out her underwear drawer. But she should start at the beginning. He had been conceived on a one-night stand and had no idea who his father was. His mother was single and, in the early days, a struggling actress. His childhood had been spent see-sawing between near poverty and excess, depending on whether his mother was working and if there was a man in her life.

Kate threw the pad and pencil on the table. She could fill a book just with the facts that she knew about Castle, never mind a pamphlet but there was some important information that she didn't know. She often wondered why his two marriages had failed, particularly when she found herself doing something very un-Beckett-like, such as imagining a long-term future with the man. Now she'd heard Meredith's version of why his first marriage hadn't worked, but that was so obviously not the whole story. She had hoped he'd tell her someday; it wasn't an easy question to ask. But then why could she ask Meredith, who she hardly knew, and not the man she was sharing her life with?

So were those seeds about how he didn't talk about himself enough? She laughed out loud at that. He was always talking about himself but, when she started to analyse it, so often he would share an anecdote, frequently self-deprecating, and add a quip but never really say how he felt. But that wasn't the whole story. Long before they'd been a couple she'd shared his parental anguish. There wasn't much she didn't know about Alexis' few teenage misdemeanours and Castle's fears about his own parenting skills. She'd better make sure that she didn't let Alexis know quite how much her dad had shared. She knew that if her own father had revealed as much information about her to a woman she hardly knew, she'd have been incensed.

No, he shared his worries with her and his feelings. He'd told her exactly how he felt about her, hadn't he? The good and the bad. He'd told her that he loved her, for heaven's sake. He shared. She wrapped her arms around herself. The apartment was getting cold now but she didn't move. She was getting closer to what those seeds were that were growing in her brain, if she could just put her finger on it.

She thought about what Meredith had said about his father. She'd only once got a glimpse about how he felt about being fatherless, but she hadn't pursued it, she hadn't questioned him… She smacked her head with the palm of her hand. She grasped those seeds now and she knew just what they were. Kate knew how Castle felt about things that had happened in the last four years but she didn't know how growing up without a father had affected him. Sure, she knew he couldn't throw a ball and knew hardly anything about sport but was an expert in what a woman should wear to an opening night on Broadway and how to make a soufflé – one that wouldn't fall. But she didn't know about those nights that a little boy had lain in bed and wondered why he didn't have a father because she'd never asked him. Meredith had tried to sow seeds of doubt in her mind but what she'd succeeded in planting was guilt.

He was a surprisingly sensitive man and she'd seen plenty of evidence of his vulnerability. That had made her cautious about asking him questions. She was very aware of the hurt that you could suffer by revealing too much of yourself, but she also knew the release of sharing your pain with the person you loved. He had probed and prodded and persevered until he'd knocked down her walls but she hadn't even noticed his. She never questioned why the thoughtful and kind man she'd fallen in love with so often appeared to be a self-centred, egotistical jackass. She worried about him breaking her heart but he was still on good terms with his ex-wives and whenever they ran into one of his old girlfriends – and that happened way too often – they were always thrilled to see Ricky. This man wasn't a heart breaker but had his heart been broken?

And why could he never say no to any of the women in his life? They all took advantage of that. She thought about how he'd not only let Meredith stay in the loft, he'd also run upstairs to get her purse; how he did Alexis' laundry for her even though she was at college; how he'd taken his mother in and had let her live with him for years; and how whenever she turned to him and said 'Are you coming, Castle?' he invariable followed her. Yeah, she took advantage of him too.

Her reverie was broken by a knock on the door. She glanced at her watch and smiled. Exactly two hours since she'd left the loft. Castle loved her enough to have picked away at her fortress and now it was time she started on his.

**I hope you have enjoyed this. Please let me know what you think and whether it's worth continuing. **


	2. Chapter 2

Castle was clutching a brown paper bag and two coffees, with a bunch of flowers protruding from under his arm.

'You really took a couple of hours literally, didn't you, Castle?' said Kate, holding the door wide for him.

'Am I, er, too soon?' He looked worried, his lips drawn back to reveal his teeth clenched together.

'No. Your timing is perfect.' Kate smiled up at him.

'Great. I brought…' He bobbed his head at his full hands.

'So I see. What's in the bag?' she asked, taking the flowers from under his arm.

'Danish. I got you apricot.' He put the coffees down and got out plates for the pastries while Kate found a vase.

'And cherry for yourself.'

'Yeah. Jeez, it's freezing in here, Kate. Shall I close the windows?' She nodded and he busied himself while Kate arranged the flowers.

'Thank you. They're lovely.' Yellow and white freesias, her favourites. She stood on tiptoes to give him a swift kiss on the cheek and she was glad to see him smile, even if he still looked a little nervous.

'So, um, are you OK? Everything OK? You left in a bit of a rush. I just wondered…' He bit his lip, following her to the table with the pastries.

'Everything is fine.'

'I'm sorry for the whole Meredith thing,' he said sitting opposite her.

'I know. I understand. She's really hard to say no to. But next time you will,' she added, firmly.

'Absolutely. You – we - won't ever have to go through that again. I promise.' He nodded at her sincerely and she reached across the table to cover his hand with hers for a moment.

'So, how'd you guys get together?' she said casually, sitting back and pulling a piece off her Danish to dunk in her coffee.

'What? You mean…? You don't want to know that.' He shook his head as he spoke.

'I do, Castle, I really do. I want you tell me the story of you and Meredith.' She popped the soggy pastry into her mouth and peaked at him through her lashes.

'The story of… What did she say?' he spluttered over his coffee.

'Hey, there's always a story, right? You taught me that. So what's the story?'

'You know Meredith. Better than I ever wanted you to. She's a crazy whirlwind who spins in and out of our lives when the fancy takes her.' He stopped, taking a bite of his Danish and Kate waited for more. When he finished chewing he took another bite and Kate narrowed her eyes at him.

'No, Castle, I want to know your story as a couple. Not the details,' she added as his eyes widened, 'but what brought you together and why… why it didn't work out. Please.'

'She did say something, didn't she? Kate…' She reached out again for his hand again, this time grasping his fingers firmly in her own.

'Rick, of course Meredith said stuff. It's what she does. None of it affects how I feel about you but I'd just really like to know your story. If you don't mind telling me.' She held his gaze, tightening her hold on his hand and feeling him squeeze back before he let go and leaned back in his chair, apparently seeking inspiration from the ceiling.

'You should get your super to paint this…'

'Castle!'

'Right.' He took a deep breath bringing his eyes back to meet hers and she drew a knee up between her body and the table, ready to hear the tale.

'We were young. Very young. _In a Hail of Bullets_ was already a bestseller.' He nodded in the direction of her bookcase where his well thumbed collected works took up most of two shelves. 'We met at a party and one thing led to another. She was fun, Kate. Crazy people often are. I'd never met anyone like her. We had this wild few weeks together. I hadn't thought about it being a long term relationship but then she told me she was pregnant. I was terrified but really excited too. I always wanted to be a father, you know, but I guess I hadn't expected it to happen so soon. We got married and Meredith's career took off soon after Alexis was born. She was touring and filming all over the place and every couple of weeks she'd breeze back and we'd have a lot of fun together. She loved Alexis and she was great at the cool stuff but she was a bit short-changed when they were handing out mothering instinct. When it all fell apart, it was obvious I'd get custody so she didn't contest it.' He finished his Danish and took a slurp of coffee, looking at her over the brim of the cup.

As Kate listened she started to fill in the blanks. She wondered for a moment if Meredith had got pregnant on purpose, knowing a good thing with a very healthy bank balance when she saw it, but she dismissed the thought as mean-spirited.

'It must have been tough - on your own with a baby,' she wrapped both hands around her coffee cup, watching his face closely.

'I got used to it pretty quickly. Meredith was really tired after the birth so I did the night feeds and then she struggled with the day feeds because, I guess, Alexis had got used to me, so I did them too. And she really couldn't cope with the nappies but I found, after a while, I didn't even need a peg for my nose.' He smiled at her, on much more comfortable territory now, talking about Alexis.

She tried to imagine a young Castle, running round after his wife who couldn't be bothered to feed her own baby.

'Castle, I've never been a parent…'

'But you'll be so great at it.' He bit his lip and concentrated on his empty coffee cup and Kate took a deep breath and moved on.

'I've got friends with kids. Even with two parents it's tough sometimes. I know Alexis was a good baby…'

'You bet!'

'…but there must have been days when things got tough.'

'Sure, but that's the same with everything, Kate.' He shrugged but she took his hand again and bent down to kiss his fingers, before holding them to her cheek. She could see his defence begin to wobble and he came around the table to hold her against his chest and she felt his sigh.

'Some days were really hard. Not looking after Alexis. Honestly, I always loved doing that, but it would have been really good to have someone to talk to and even when she was there, Meredith was never much of a listener. I loved being in the dark alone with my little girl in my arms. She was just so cute. The joy of her first words was immense and that wobbly first step without me holding her hands was just wow! It would have been even better to have someone to share it with. As much as I wanted to be a father, I didn't want my child to grow up without a mother.'

She pulled him a little closer to her, her cheek pressed against his heart. 'So, what happened?'

'Meredith spent less and less time with us and instead of missing her when she was gone, I couldn't wait for her to leave. When I found out she was sleeping with her director, it was actually a relief.' He rested his chin on her head, and Kate was grateful that he couldn't see her holding back the tears that were threatening to spill over as she thought of him as a young father coping on his own while Meredith carried on with her life as if nothing had happened.

She sniffed and swallowed back the tears before drawing back to look up at him and reaching up to cup his cheek in her hand.

'Let's go somewhere today, Castle.'

'Sure. Where do you want to go, Kate?'

'No, I want to go somewhere special to you. You decide.' His face crinkled up into a wide smile and he bent down to kiss her.

**Thanks so much for the generous reviews. Let me know if you want more.**

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	3. Chapter 3

It had become automatic to disengage from each other in public. Whether they were holding hands in the elevator or sharing a stolen kiss in the break room, they would separate as soon as there was a chance that they might be seen. They were used to it now but today, tucked snugly in Castle's arm in the back of a cab, Kate was particularly sorry that they'd reached their destination. She sensed that he felt the same way as he reluctantly released her so that they could get out on to Broadway.

'So, where are you taking me, Castle?' she asked, turning up her collar against the chill January wind.

'It's this little… You know, Kate, I don't think you'll find this interesting. Why don't we go to the Picasso exhibition at the Guggenheim? It's only on for a couple more weeks…'

'No, Castle, I want you to take me to a place that matters to you.'

'I just don't want you to be bored. I felt bad that you couldn't come to the opening with me. I know how much you love Picasso.'

She shook her head. 'Today, I want to go somewhere you want to go.'

'But I like to go places you like.'

'Castle, if we stand here any longer we'll freeze to the spot. Come on. Lead the way.' Despite her warm coat she shivered and he reached out an arm to draw her to him before remembering where they were and he pushed his hands deep into his coat pockets, as if to ensure that he didn't succumb to temptation.

'OK. It's here,' he said, turning towards a bookshop behind him. Antiquarian books dominated the window display but Kate noticed that _Frozen Heat_ was given a corner of its own. The name painted on the wooden fascia simply read The Book Shop. He held the door open and she stepped back in time.

'Wow, Castle, this is amazing. I never noticed this place. It smells fantastic.' He beamed at her as she stood in the doorway inhaling the soothing aroma of old paper.

Books not only filled the floor to ceiling shelves, they were stacked high in piles around the shop. Kate took off her gloves so that she could trail her fingers over the volumes, old and new. An elderly man in a threadbare cardigan, half-moon glasses balanced on the end of his nose, unfurled himself from his seat beside Autobiographies, completing the Dickensian picture.

'Good morning, my dear. Well, you are a sight for weary eyes. The prettiest young thing to come through those doors for many a year. Enjoy browsing and let me know if you need any help.' He was about to sit down again when he looked past Kate. 'Hey Ricky! Great to see you, son. Is this beautiful woman with you?'

Castle slipped past Kate to give the old man a hug. The top of his head didn't quite reach Castle's shoulder.

'Martin, you still trying charm the ladies? This one is off limits. Kate Beckett meet Martin Fitch, one of my oldest friends.'

'Hey, you watch who you're calling old, my boy,' said Martin, leaning heavily on a walking stick as he took a couple of steps to greet Kate. 'Miss Beckett I am delighted to meet you at last. Ricky talks about you all the time, and I do mean all the time, even when he doesn't realise it.' He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips to kiss her fingers.

'I'm really pleased to meet you too, Mr Fitch,' she said, giving Castle a quizzical look over the man's head. She wondered what he'd said about her. It seemed clear that Fitch knew that they were a couple and, in other circumstances, she might be cross with Castle for sharing their secret with someone she didn't know. But the two men were obviously close and if Castle trusted him that was good enough for her. Besides, she was rather pleased to hear that he talked about her _all the time_.

'Please, call me Martin. Mr Fitch makes me feel old. Don't worry. I know he's never mentioned me. You know, other than his lovely mother and daughter, he's never brought any ladies to meet me before even though I've known him most of his life. Probably worried that they'll prefer me to him. You didn't do Miss Beckett justice, Ricky. She's more than beautiful; she's completely captivating.'

'Hey, that's enough. Don't steal my girlfriend again.'

'Again?' Kate asked, smiling.

'Jane Fergusson. The most angelic blonde I'd ever seen. I used to wait behind Crime Fiction F to K every Thursday afternoon just to catch a glimpse. She was my first older woman. I was seven and she was ten. But she never looked at me. She only had eyes for Martin reading C.S. Lewis to the neighbourhood kids.'

Martin craned his neck to look up at Castle towering above him. 'When you've finished showing your girl around, come in the back for a cup of tea. I've got some stories you need to know,' he added, looking at Kate.

'I'm looking forward to hearing them, Martin.' Kate smiled down at him before Castle took her hand and led her to the back of the shop.

'This place is like the Tardis. It looks tiny but it's got everything and Martin's categories are perfect, particularly for children's books. Look, there's Animal Stories, Girls' Boarding School Stories, Tales of Chivalry, Baseball and Other Sports, Witchcraft and Magic. Isn't it great? Just what kids want, not A to Z of authors.' He was bubbling with enthusiasm. His seemingly limitless ability to find things to get passionate about was one of his most endearing qualities and Kate had to resist the urge to give him a kiss on the cheek. She didn't want to distract him before she found out why he'd chosen to bring her here.

'What was your favourite category?' she asked, picking up an old copy of _Call of the Wild_ and carefully opening the cover.

'All the most exciting stories were over here. Look, there's _Peter Pan, Treasure Island, Tom Sawyer, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations. _I used to spend hours here when Mother was working on Broadway. I first came when she was rehearsing for _Blithe Spirit_ – she was magnificent and terrifying as Elvira. Fortunately, my nanny had just run away with our neighbour's husband. Not very fortunate for the neighbour I guess, but it was great for me because Mother brought me with her to rehearsals and that's when I found this Aladdin's cave. Martin used to let me sit there on the floor for as long as I wanted and lost myself in these fantastic adventures.'

Kate smiled to herself at the image her brain had conjured of the young Ricky Castle sitting crossed legged on the floor, surrounded by books. She checked out the shelves of his favourites. _Anne of Green Gables_ was there too, and the _Secret Garden. _Her eyes drifted up to the category, Orphan Heroes, and her smile wavered.

'Kate?' he said, gently, and she realised that he was studying her face.

'Castle, this is wonderful. I can't believe I didn't know about this place.

'The big boys took over the most of the independent bookstores years ago. Most people never look further than Barnes and Noble or Amazon for their bestsellers. It's hard for places like Martin's to stay in business.' He picked up _Tom Sawyer_. 'You know, some of these books are the same copies I was reading over thirty years ago. I know because I put my initials…'

'You did what, Richard Rodgers?' Martin's voice came from behind him.

'Oops! Nothing.' Castle put the book back in its space, trying to look innocent and Kate gave in to a loud crack of laughter.

'Tea's ready. Kate – may I call you Kate? – come and let me tell you about this reprobate and you can decide whether you should be involved with him.' Martin said, taking Kate's arm and leading her to the back room.

'Hey, I am here you know,' said Castle, following them. Martin ignored him, settling Kate into an easy chair and pouring her tea. Castle leant against the door jamb, a little smile playing around his lips. He looked relaxed, as if this was somewhere he would always feel comfortable.

'He was cute then. Shame he had to grow up. He used to spend hours reading books that were too old for him. First time he came in, his mother whirled in an hour later, still in costume, frantically searching for her little boy. He was supposed to be in the theatre watching rehearsals and when the lights went up he'd gone.'

'I think that was the angriest she ever was with me. At the time I thought it was just a big fuss about nothing but once Alexis was born I understood.' Castle nodded his head.

'Anyway, I stopped Martha from killing him and eventually she agreed that he could stay here while she was in the theatre. My wife, Julia, she doted on him. Used to give him cherry Danishes even though he'd put his sticky fingers all over the books. I knew he was going to be a writer. He'd watch people and listen to their conversations. I gave him a little notebook and a pencil and he started writing down what they said. Got him into trouble more than once.'

'Time to go now, I think,' Castle said, as Martin took a break for a slurp of tea.

'No way, Castle. This is fascinating,' Kate said, sitting back in her chair and smiling at Martin.

'Ricky, go and get me some milk from the shop on the corner.'

'And leave you to tell Kate I don't know what?'

'You know how I need my tea to keep me warm in this cold weather. Do you want me to go outside and catch my death?'

'But it's not…You can't…Don't say I word while I'm gone. And don't you listen to him, Kate. Martin, you behave yourself.' He wagged a finger at the old man and left them.

'He was a good boy. Cheeky, naturally, but a good boy. Even then he would do anything for his friends. Martha was a great mother but it's hard to bring up a child on your own. I used to see him watching boys who came in with their fathers and you could see the longing…Anyway, he kept coming in after the rehearsals finished. He'd drop in after school when he was a teenager and when Julia got sick he helped me at weekends and in the holidays. Of course, he'd try to pick up girls at the same time. He wasn't very good at it then. He was too self-conscious and too nice. It wasn't until he'd had his first best seller that he really became a ladies man. That always worried him. Did they just want him for his fame and fortune? Of course, he had a pretty face by then too so I don't think it concerned him too much. You know, this place is really important to him. After he bought it…'

'He owns the shop?' Kate sat forward, taken completely by surprise.

'He didn't tell you? About fifteen years ago I was going out of business. Ricky knew that I had nothing else and he bought it for a very generous price. Wouldn't listen to my objections. He could do a lot with The Book Shop, make some money, but he won't. He said I must stay here and run it just like I always have for as long as I want. He probably hasn't told anyone that he owns it. That's not his style. All that posturing and showing off he used to do – I don't read about that much anymore. That's your influence, young lady. All that was just an act to hide his soft centre but you know that. A woman like you wouldn't fall for all that. It's the real Richard Rodgers or whatever he wants to call himself that you've fallen in love with. Don't deny it, it's written all over your face. That's why you're the only woman he's ever brought here.'

Kate looked down, letting her hair fall forward to cover the blush she could feel spreading up her cheeks. She been listening intently, finding this little piece of the history of Richard Castle compelling. She hadn't realised that she was the subject of Martin's scrutiny.

'I don't want to embarrass you, my dear. Old people always feel that they have the right to say exactly what they please. You do love him?' he asked quietly.

'More and more each day,' she admitted, looking up and giving him a misty eyed smile. There seemed to be no reason for subterfuge.

'A lot of people have taken advantage of Richard over the years, particularly women. I was a very lucky man to find my soul mate when I was young. I'm glad that he has found his at last.' He smiled and reached forward to give her hand a squeeze. The bell rang, signalling the street door opening.

'Of course, that's just a few of the terrible things he did. I could go on for hours… Ah, Ricky, I didn't hear you come in.' Martin winked and Kate and gave him a co-conspiratorial grin.

'Thank you, Martin. I wish I'd known about his degenerate past before,' she said seriously, before getting up to take Castle's arm and kiss him on the cheek. 'A walk in the park?' she suggested and they took their leave of Martin with promises to return soon.

**I hope this chapter isn't too long winded. Please let me know what you think and whether you want to know what happens in the park. I will get back to Resolutions and Reflections soon, in case anyone is reading it.**


	4. Chapter 4

Traffic clogged the road and lunchtime crowds packed the sidewalk. Kate hunched her shoulders against a wind that felt like it was straight from the Arctic. She was tempted to take Castle's hand so that they weren't constantly separated by bustling shoppers but she resisted, contenting herself with walking so close to him that their arms rubbed against each other whenever the opportunity arose. The conditions didn't encourage conversation but the silence wasn't uncomfortable, just a product of the busy street and their business-like approach to cover the couple of blocks to the park as quickly as possible.

As soon as they crossed Central Park West they slowed their pace. Tourists mixed with New Yorkers in Strawberry Fields, protected from the harsh wind by the trees. Kate slipped her arm through Castle's and he looked down in surprise and then, with a smile, covered her hand with his own.

'McCartney or Lennon?' she asked, as they walked past the memorial.

'Lennon,' he answered, without hesitation.

'Good to know. Me too.'

'You liked Martin?' he asked.

'I did. He's a sweetie. And a mine of fascinating information,' she added with a sideways glance up at him.

'What did he tell you?' He stopped and twisted to look at her.

'So much,' she said shaking her head, surprised when, rather than rising to the bait as he usually did, he just shrugged and resumed walking.

'You don't look too worried.'

'I'm not.'

'You should be.'

'Oh no, I'm not going to fall for that again. Not with Martin.'

'Why not? He's known you for longer than Meredith.'

'But he likes me.'

'Is that why you took me there?'

'Absolutely. I'm only going to introduce you to people who like me from now on. It's so much safer.'

'Well, that won't take long.'

'Hey!'

Kate laughed and leaned into his arm. 'It's OK Castle. I like you.'

'I know.'

'Oh, you do, do you? How do you know that?'

He stopped again and turned to rest his hands on her shoulders, his eyes ranging over her face as if trying to take in every feature.

'Well, Detective Beckett, if you don't like me you should be ashamed of yourself. Some of the things you've done…' he trailed off, and she opened her mouth wide as if in shock. 'But I know you really like me because you wanted to go somewhere important to me. Very few people have ever done that and certainly neither of the women I married. I think that means you like me. A lot.'

She slipped her arms around his waist and they kissed gently. She kept one arm around him and he draped his over her shoulders as they continued their walk at an even slower pace. Their strides matched each other perfectly and she smiled to herself as she thought of how they automatically adapted to one another. Walking together like this was usually reserved for their trips to the Hamptons and she remembered the little skip Castle had given on the beach there so that his left leg moved with her right.

'What's that secret smile for?' he asked, and she realised he was watching her.

'Just thinking how we'd ace a three-legged race.' He nodded his agreement and she marvelled at how when one of them made a ridiculous comment, incomprehensible to the rest of the world, the other never needed to ask the dreaded 'what do you mean' question.

'You don't think we might run into Gates here, do you?' Castle asked as they emerged from a leafy pathway into a broad meadow area where children, bundled up in hats and coats, were kicking balls with parents alongside teenagers throwing Frisbees and young couples keeping snug in each others' arms.

'No, she's skiing in Vermont this weekend.'

'Aha, hence the reason you are prepared to canoodle with me in public.'

'Canoodle! Who says canoodle?'

'It's the perfect word. It means to kiss and cuddle. I'll show you – in case you're not sure.' He pulled her firmly against him and kissed her and she responded, opening her lips and running her hand through the back of his hair.

They were interrupted by a soccer ball hitting their legs and they looked down to see a little boy, about five years old, running up to retrieve it. As he turned away, his ball held in front of him with both hands, he looked up at them.

'Get a room,' he said shaking his head. They looked at each other in surprise and then gave way to laughter.

'A wise child. We should do that later,' Castle said, when they'd recovered. They both watched the boy kicking the ball back towards his dad before continuing towards the lake.

'I used to come here with Alexis. I was always amazed that she could kick the ball to me. I never had any idea what direction it would go in when I kicked it.'

'I guess your mom didn't play soccer with you then?'

'Mother? Can you imagine her? No, we used to go to the playground and the zoo and sometimes one of her many admirers would come with us but I didn't even own a soccer ball. Or any other sort of ball as far as I can remember.'

She squeezed him round the waist and he added, 'Hey, I was fine. I had my books and TV addiction to keep me busy.'

'What about at school?' she asked.

'They wouldn't let me watch TV. Ouch! Don't pinch. You know what it's like, Kate. We've all been kids, some say I still am. They can be mean if you're different but I had two, no three, advantages. I could actually run quite fast so I could often outrun them and I stopped having to run because I was this tall when I was fourteen. And I might not have been able to catch but I was quick witted. People don't hit you so much if you make them laugh.'

His tone was light but Kate's stomach did a little flip at the thought of little Castle, being picked on because he couldn't hit a baseball or kick a soccer ball, trying to think up quips to make his tormenters laugh. She could see how he'd ended up sounding like a jackass. It was part of his armour.

'Shame you didn't have a dad to kick a ball with,' she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

'The way I see it, Kate, I don't know that it would have made much difference. I was never going to be a jock. There are plenty of people who don't have fathers who can throw a ball and not put everyone in the area at risk of serious injury. My dad may have been a diplomat or a spy or the President but maybe he wasn't a sportsman either. Oh, look, hotdogs. You want a dog? I want a dog. I'm really hungry.' He let go of her and sped ahead to the stand looking back for agreement as he ordered hers with onions and mustard because he never forgot how she liked anything.

They took their food to a bench overlooking the lake and Kate knew that the moment to ask him how he felt about not knowing anything about his father was lost. For now, anyway. She wanted it to be a natural conversation, not forced and uncomfortable. And she knew Castle well enough to recognise that the hotdog stand had appeared at the just the right moment for him, and not only because he was hungry.

'I'm glad that you like The Book Shop,' he said, between bites of his dog, steering the conversation back to more comfortable ground.

'I love it. It's the perfect bookstore. Is that why you bought it?' He paused, the last piece of his hotdog in his hand held an inch from his lips.

'Martin told you that? That's the one thing he knows he's not supposed to tell anyone. Why would he tell you that?' He frowned as he popped the final piece of dog in his mouth.

'So, are you a retail magnate, Castle? Shops all over the city?' She kept her eyes on the paper boat that was speeding past on the lake, carried by the north wind.

'What? No!'

'How many have you got?' she asked, glancing at him.

'One. One shop and one bar. The Book Shop and The Old Haunt.' He didn't offer any more information so she decided to dig a little more.

'I know why you bought The Old Haunt but why The Book Shop? I know for a fact that you're not above shopping in Barnes and Noble.' She finished eating and turned to give him her full attention.

'Have you ever seen me buy anything other than a coffee there? Or a cinnamon roll?' he added. She thought about it for a moment and shook her head.

'I always get my books from Martin and I always have. He's amazing. When I was young, I used to just tell him the sort of book I wanted to read and he'd know exactly what to give me. It was like magic. He was the first person to read the manuscript of _In a Hail of Bullets_ because he knows more about books than anyone I've ever met. He wouldn't work in any of the big stores so if he'd gone out of business the city would have lost his expertise. My decision to buy the store was completely self-interested.' Kate kept her eyes on him, understanding full well that while there was an element of truth in what he said, that wasn't the only motivating factor. She'd seen the affection in his face when he looked at Martin and heard it in his voice when he had talked about spending time there as a boy. And, she realised, she didn't need him to put into words what he felt. Maybe that was proof that she knew him a lot better than Meredith ever did. She got the sub-text.

'Can I take you somewhere that is important to me, Castle?' she asked, standing up.

'Yeah. I'd love that,' he said with a big smile and she took his hand to tug him to his feet.

**Thanks for the continuing reviews. It makes so much difference to know that you're liking - or not liking - what I'm writing. Please let me know if this is working or if you'd rather I take a different tack. **


	5. Chapter 5

The temperature had dropped when they came out from lunch at the Loeb Boathouse. The hotdogs had taken the edge of their hunger but, thanks to Meredith's malignant parting gift, neither of them had done more than snack all day and the warm restaurant had looked too inviting to bypass. Castle held Kate's scarf as she twisted her hair up and pulled on a woolly hat she'd had in her bag, and then he tied the purple scarf carefully round her neck, finishing with a quick kiss before he cuddled her tight. He was definitely a nurturer and Kate wondered if that was because he was a single father or if he'd always been like that. She remembered what Martin had said about him helping out when his wife was sick. Not the sort of thing that your average teenage boy would do, she thought, and certainly not what you'd expect from the boy who went to his high school graduation naked except for his gown. When she'd first met Castle she'd thought he was an open book – a very attractive open book, but an open book none the less. It hadn't taken her long to realise that there were hidden depths to this man. What you saw wasn't necessarily what you got. She could let that worry her – and let Meredith win – or she could enjoy unravelling him until she reached the core. She knew what she would prefer.

'So, Miss Beckett, where are you taking me?'

'Patience, Mr Castle, all will be revealed.'

'Oh, I'm looking forward to that - and also to finding out where we're going.' Kate dug her elbow into his ribs and he yet out a yelp. There were fewer families out now and more runners and dog walkers. A black Labrador on a long leash ran up to them and they both bent down to stroke him.

'We really should think about getting a dog, you know,' said Castle, sending the Lab into ecstasy by scratching him behind his ears. 'I mean, I should, er Mother and I… Dogs are… When I said we…' He trailed off and avoided Kate's eyes. It was the sort of comment that would have sent her into a minor panic not long ago, worrying about him getting ahead of himself. Now it just made her smile but she wasn't going to let him see that.

'Come on, Castle, give the dog back his ears,' she said, standing up.

'But he loves it, don't you beautiful,' he said in a "I'm talking to a lil baby" voice.

Kate rolled her eyes at him

'Brutus!' The dog responded instantly and sped off towards his owner.

'Brutus? No way is he a Brutus more a… Barney or Bubba,' he said, bashing his gloves together to get rid of the hair.

'You're not calling our dog Bubba!' Castle gave her a speculative look and it was Kate's turn to blush. 'I mean, er, your… Let's go. It's cold standing here.' She set off at a fast pace and he trotted a couple of steps to catch up, linking his arm through hers.

Kate led him around the bottom of the lake across the Ramble. They chatted about nothing and everything as they wound their way through the winding paths lined by leafless trees, starkly beautiful in the winter afternoon light. By the time they reached Shakespeare Garden, the sun was dropping behind the Westside mansion blocks and their breath had become visible grey clouds.

'I love the Shakespeare Garden,' Castle declared. 'Are you taking me to see the statue of Romeo and Juliet? As romantic as their story is, it's not exactly a happy ending.'

'No,' she said, slipping out of his embrace to take his hand and lead him to a stone bench. 'It's the Whispering Bench.'

'Oh this is amazing. I remember bringing Alexis here when she was little.' He sat down at one end, and twisted so he could watch Kate's face when she sat beside him. He had that expectant, hopeful look he always got when she was going to tell him something about herself. She took a breath and gazed into the distance.

'Sometimes Mom used to work on Saturdays and Dad and I would come to the park. We'd go to the play park and have adventures in the woods but we'd always end up here. The first time we came here I was upset because Maggie, my best friend at kindergarten, had gone to live in California and Dad said if I told the spirit of the bench what was worrying me I would get a message back. So, I sat where you are and Dad said he'd sit at the other end so I could have some privacy. I whispered that I was sad because I'd lost my friend and then I heard this quiet voice say that real friends always stay part of your life, even if you don't see them for a while. I thought it was magic and you know I'm not a big one for magic.' She turned her face to him, raised her brows and grinned.

'Nice. So this is a very special place if it made the little girl who didn't believe in Santa believe in magic. Are you still friends with Maggie?'

'Nah, never saw her again. We were only four years old. But I carried on telling the spirit my worries - and the things that I wanted Dad to know but didn't want to tell him to his face - even though it didn't take me long to work out that he was the spirit.'

'How old were you when you stopped coming here?'

Kate shrugged. 'I don't think I ever stopped. The last time I came here with Dad was four years after Mom was killed and I told him that I was terrified I was going to lose him too if he didn't get help.'

'How'd he take that?'

'He cried. We both cried but he let me take him to the doctor the next day.' She was looking down, playing with the ends of her scarf and he stilled her fingers, taking her hands in his. He said nothing until she looked up at him.

'You said the last time you came with your dad,' he hesitated and chewed his lip before continuing, 'have you come her with anyone else?'

She shook her head and squeezed his hands.

'Thank you.' She questioned him with her eyes. 'For bringing me here and sharing this with me.' He pulled her to him for a tender kiss before Kate pulled away, giving him a mischievous look as she sat at the other end of the bench.

She took a moment to think and then whispered, 'Could you please let Richard Castle know that I think smorlettes are the worst thing I've ever tasted.'

'I, the spirit of the bench, believe that smorlettes are a wonderful creation, but I'll pass on the message,' came the reply.

'But he makes the best pancakes.'

'He knows.' They smiled at each other.

'Please tell Kate Beckett that she looks fantastic with her hair up but I really love it when she lets it fall around her shoulders.'

Kate took off her hat and shook her hair loose to fall in waves around her face.

'She got the message. I'm sorry I let Meredith spook me. I've had a lovely day.'

'Me too. I mean Richard Castle has had a wonderful day too.'

Kate looked across at him and, despite the distance between them, she could see the warmth in his face as he looked back at her.

'I l…' she paused, and thought for a moment before continuing, 'I love it here but this bench is getting very cold.'

'Yeah, I think my butt might get frost bite if we stay much longer.'

They both got up and Castle enveloped her in his arms. She snuggled into his chest enjoying his warmth and his smell.

'I'd better check in with youngest redhead soon,' he said leaning his chin on her head.

She slid her arms up to his chest and pushed him back so she could look up at him.

'Why don't you do that and I'll go back to my place and make us some dinner?'

'Sounds perfect,' he said, and they took the path that led back to the road, instantly finding their rhythm.

**Sorry for the delay in updating this (though if you're reading my other story you'll realise ****this hardly counts as a delay at all - I will get back to that one, I promise.) Grateful for your views again. What did you think about the Whispering Bench idea? Should Kate have used the opportunity to tell Castle she loves him? I have a reason for not having her say that which will come out in the next chapter but i'd like to know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

Kate's tears ran unchecked, mottling her cheeks with mascara and reddening her eyes, as she tried to put the rollercoaster of a day into some sort of context. It had all started with Meredith sowing her toxic seeds. Kate found the woman's motives difficult to fathom. It seemed that she wanted to drive a wedge between her and Castle, but why? Did she want Kate out of the way to clear the field for herself? As they'd already been divorced for 15 years and Meredith didn't show any signs of seeing her ex as anything other than a cash machine, Kate could only reach the distasteful conclusion that she was just being malicious. She wiped her face on her sleeve, taking a brief pause from her labours. She found cooking, and particularly chopping, therapeutic and the pile of finely sliced onions continued to grow. It was one of the rare activities that kept her in one place, giving her both time to think and little opportunity to escape from her thoughts and she had a lot to think about this evening.

Months before, on a stormy night, Kate had put to one side her fears and jumped into this relationship with Castle. If Meredith's purpose had been to make her doubt that decision, it had been a complete failure. She had no regrets but her fears had come back to plague her more than once. One of her biggest worries had been whether he would be faithful. Her heart told her that he would but her head couldn't forget his history. Now it seemed that her head agreed with her heart because, despite their record of ex-sex, she hadn't at any stage thought that Castle would sleep with Meredith, even when the redhead had flaunted her half-naked body at him. When she had told Lanie that she trusted him, she'd meant it. What did that mean for their relationship?

A knock on the door interrupted her self-interrogation and she glanced at her watch. Eight o'clock already and she the food wasn't on yet. She wiped her hands on her apron on her way to the door, peeping through the spyhole just to make sure it was him. She was already smiling when she opened the door but Castle's grin instantly disappeared.

'Kate! What is it? What happened, my love,' he said wrapping his arms around her.

She was bemused enough to let him get away with calling her his love. Not that she minded in principle – she rather liked it – but they couldn't risk using pet names in public. Never mind that Gates still didn't know about them, Esposito and Ryan would get so much mileage out of the smallest slip.

She automatically returned his embrace but said 'Nothing happened. What are you talking about, Castle?' He took her upper arms firmly in his and held her away from him so he could see her face.

'What am I talking about? Why are you crying?' His concern on her behalf was so sweet that she couldn't help but stroke his cheek and kiss him lightly on the lips.

'Onions, Castle, I'm chopping onions. I must look a fright. I don't smell too good either,' she said, sniffing the hand that had just caressed his face. Castle wrinkled his nose in agreement and released her.

'Why don't you go and clean up and I'll finish the cooking? Are we having anything with the onions?' he asked, following her to the kitchen and putting his head to one side to survey the outcome of her work.

Kate opened her mouth and then closed it again. 'I think I got a bit carried away.' Instead of the one onion she needed, she had sliced the whole pound.

* * *

'I bagged the extra onions, by the way. French Onion soup is calling us tomorrow,' Castle said, handing Kate a glass of red wine and sitting at the other end of the couch.

Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she was in the track pants and baggy T-shirt that she'd changed into after her shower but he was looking at her as if she were the sexiest woman in the world. They'd finished the cooking together, shoulder to shoulder in the kitchen, and then they'd traded banter across the table as they ate, sparking off each other as always. It was the perfect way to unwind at the end of a mostly great day but a couple of times Kate caught Castle watching her speculatively, as if he knew something about her that he wasn't sharing. And now he'd sat at the far end of the couch, instead of snuggling up and trying to undress her. What was that about? She felt a fluttering in her stomach. She was tempted to ask him what was up but she wasn't sure that she wanted to know the answer.

'Great day, huh?' she said looking down and glancing at him sideways.

He eyes remained on her, appreciative but also probing, as if he were trying to see into her soul. 'Yeah,' was all he said, increasing her nervousness.

'I love The Book Shop,' she offered.

'Yeah.'

He was beginning to bug her now and irritation won over trepidation

'OK, Castle, what's up?' She sat up to look him, snapping her brows together and aware that there was an edge to her voice.

'What?' He opened his eyes wide in a failed attempt to look unknowing.

'If you've got something to say, just say it.' She put down her glass and crossed her arms. His eyes hadn't left her face and it was getting unnerving.

'I've been thinking…' It was a familiar Castle opening, but she had no idea what might be coming. 'I've been thinking about all those onions.'

'What? Onions? Why?' She shook her head, bewildered. She wasn't sure what she expected him to say but onions was definitely not on the list of possible subjects.

'I was wondering why you'd chop so many onions. You must have been really pre-occupied – and, by the way, I'm going to give you some awesome onion chopping goggles.'

'Thank you?'

'But what was – what is – preoccupying you, Kate? Today has been really special but you've had something on your mind. Is this about Meredith?'

They were good questions, even if his route to them had been via vegetables. She was tempted to fob him off but that would have been the old Kate. The new Kate felt he deserved honest answers, even if she hadn't really articulated what she felt to herself. She was a bit apprehensive about where this might lead, but she took a deep breath and decided to jump in with both feet. It was becoming a bit of a habit for her where Castle was concerned. She uncrossed her arms and picked up her wine glass.

'Your first ex-wife is strong, funny and entertaining but she's also manipulative.' She took a sip of wine, twisting in the seat so that her back was against the arm and she was facing him.

'Tell me about it!' He slurped his wine. Clearly, a sip wasn't enough when he was thinking about Meredith.

'When she conveniently forgot her purse this morning and you went to get it for her, she said something that got me thinking. I'm not sure what her aim was…'

'Nothing good.'

'…but I'm pretty sure that she'd be disappointed in the results.'

He sighed. 'One of her particular talents is stirring up trouble. What did she say?

'She said that you knew enough about her to write a million novels…'

'Ha! And yet I didn't write any.'

'…but she knew hardly anything about you.'

'Not true. She knew exactly how much I had in the bank. She never asked about anything else.'

Kate gave her full attention to the red wine she was swirling around her glass.

'You know, that's what I figured and that got me thinking that, maybe, I don't ask you much either.' She bit her lip and kept her head down, sneaking a sideways look at him. He looked puzzled and a bit irritated.

'Huh? Kate, you and I, we talk all the time, about everything. The things you don't know about me, you really don't want to know. Trust me.'

'Like what?' she asked quietly.

'You want to know about the succession of hot girls I've dated? Really?'

'God, no!' She shook her head. 'Were many of them serious?' she added, almost against her will.

'Really, Kate? You know about the wives and you've met Kyra.' He sighed before adding, 'the others were… available.' Kate wrinkled up her nose in distaste.

'I told you that you didn't want to know. But that was before I met you. I wouldn't…'

'I know.'

'Good! So?'

'You ask lots of questions…'

'I'm a writer. Of course I ask questions'

'Is that why you ask me questions?'

'When I first met you, yes. I wanted background for Nikki Heat but then you became a very different research project.' His eyes swept up and down her body and his lips turned up and she felt a smile brewing and couldn't stop it reaching her lips.

'But I don't ask you much,' she said, serious again.

'You are an expert interrogator, Detective. Words are unnecessary. You cross-examine me with your eyes. What do you want to know? Ask me anything.' He opened his arms wide and she hesitated, recognizing the truth in what he'd said. If he was trying to be evasive, he usually caved in under her stare. But she'd been looking for an opportunity all day and now she had it so in she dived.

'How do you feel about not knowing anything about your father?' she asked, quietly.

'Umm, I don't think about it much. I've never known anything about him. Sometimes something happens that makes me curious but most of the time I don't think about it. Of course, if I'm working on a plot where a character needs a new kidney and goes in search of long lost relatives, it makes me wonder.'

'What about when you were a kid? Did it bother you then?' Castle adjusted in his seat, less comfortable with the question but he'd said she could ask anything and she could tell that he was trying to be as truthful as possible.

'Sometimes I wished that I had a dad who'd take me camping or fishing like other boys but, actually, I think part of the reason I became a writer is because I didn't know him. I invented stories about him, then I started writing them down and I peopled them with other characters and they became other stories. Maybe I wouldn't have needed to do that if I'd grown up knowing my father.' He moved a bit closer to her on the couch so that his eyes held hers, unwaveringly. 'Kate, if you are imagining some poor little boy craving a father's love, please don't. I may have had only one parent, and she may have been a bit flaky and more than a little irresponsible at times, but I always knew that I was loved and when it comes down to it, that's more important to any child than how many people they live with. A wise man once said – or maybe it was a character on Downton Abbey – that we need to learn the habit of how to love when we are children. You and I were both lucky enough to get the chance to do that. You had two parents to love you but my one parent loved me just as much.'

She nodded, accepting the truth of what he said. 'But I know you, Castle, you're not good at leaving mysteries unsolved. Didn't you ever try to find out who he was?'

'We're not just talking about what I want, Kate. My mother has always told me she doesn't know who my father is and, if she's telling the truth, that doesn't leave many avenues to pursue. If she does know, she must have her reasons for keeping it a secret and that's good enough for me. She might live in my house and be happy to live off my money, but she'd never intentionally hurt me and I'm not going to hurt her.'

Kate shuffled across so that she was close enough to feel the warmth of his body. She reached her hand up to his cheek, but hesitated.

'Does it smell OK?' she asked, and he sniffed, nodding his approval. She cupped his cheek in her hand and leant in so that her lips hovered a couple of inches in front of his.

'Whoever your father is, I think you got the best of his genes and I'm really grateful that your mom brought you up to be such a good man. I nearly whispered something to you on that bench today but then I realised that it would be the wrong way to tell you something so important.' She paused, not in indecision but so that she could look intensely into his deep blue eyes.

'I love you, Richard Castle.'

He sank his fingers into her hair and pulled her towards him, kissing her deeply.

'I know,' he moaned into her mouth.

**Thank you for your reviews. It's really good to know that you're enjoying this little story. I'm thinking two more chapters though one might have to be M ****rated. Let me know what you think.**


	7. Chapter 7

'Leave it,' Kate mumbled as her tongue sought out Castle's. She felt his fingers slide down her back, abandoning their work on her bra clasp, and she nipped his tongue in displeasure. His hand was seeking blindly for his phone under her discarded t-shirt that was now draped over the coffee table, eventually emerging holding its quarry.

'S'my mother,' he muttered, glancing at the screen and twisting his mouth away from hers.

'Mother.' He exhaled loudly as Kate let her weight drop onto his chest. 'No, I'm not running, I'm… Is, er, what's um….' He took a sharp intake of breath. Kate, having been denied access to his mouth, had turned her attention to trailing kisses down his neck and was now concentrating all her efforts on the hollow at the base of his throat where her tongue was drawing some delicate and elaborate pattern that was making his jaw slacken and eyes close.

'Um, yes, of course I'm listening. Oh. I'm sorry. Did you, er, call the doctor?' Kate lifted her head to look at him at the mention of the doctor, mouthing 'Alexis? He shook his head and she tried to disentangle herself from him, grimacing and whispering 'Sorry!' as she inadvertently leaned heavily on his bulging crotch.

'Aghhh! Er, no, no, I'm OK. What's up?' he gasped, as Kate righted herself to sit facing him on the sofa, her legs dangling over his. He levered himself up with his elbow until he was almost upright, leaning his back against the arm of the couch.

'No, no, don't worry. You go to bed. I'm on my way,' he said. He disconnected the call and turned his sad eyes and down-turned mouth to her.

'What's wrong?' Kate asked.

'My mother has a touch of food poisoning, probably because she decided to eat the remains of that fish pie we had two days ago for her lunch. Alexis is feverish, which the doctor says is normal, but Mother's not up to looking after her. I'm really sorry, Kate, but I have to go.' He sighed and pushed back one of the many curls that had come loose from her hair.

'Of course you do. I understand,' she said, kissing the palm of his hand and sliding off him so that he could stand up.

'Tomorrow?' he asked, buttoning up his shirt.

'Sure, if your patients are feeling better.' Kate wondered why he didn't ask her to go with him as she pulled on her t-shirt and walked with him to the door.

'Im so sorry, Kate,' he repeated, putting on his coat.

'It's not your fault, Castle. Your mom and daughter need you. You can't say no to these redheads. The other one though - she's a different matter.' She held on to the lapels of his coat and rose onto her toes to kiss him gently on the lips. He responded, lightly stroking her cheek.

'Goodnight,' he whispered, and she closed the door behind him before biting her lip in frustration.

* * *

Castle dropped into his office chair, coffee in hand. Alexis' temperature was back to normal and Martha had self-medicated and fallen into a deep sleep. He took a slurp of coffee and thought back over the day that had started so negatively – no, he smiled to himself, it had started very nicely indeed until Meredith had cast her hex on them. And it had looked like it would end on a real high until Martha's choice of lunch dish had spoiled their plans.

It had certainly turned into quite a day. After Kate had left the loft he'd spent the morning pacing the floor trying to work out what, other than the smorlette, he'd done wrong. He'd been shaken that she'd said she needed time; it had brought back those awful few months after she'd been shot when she hadn't called and he'd pictured her tucked up with Josh who he'd imagined using the unfair advantage of his medical skills to burrow further into her affections.

He acknowledged that he'd made a major mistake in allowing Meredith to stay. He knew he shouldn't have let it happen but she'd always been able to twist him in circles. Even Alexis, who he'd thought would have been pleased to have her mum look after her, had been cross with him. The evening he'd spent waiting for Kate and Meredith to return from their dinner for two had been one of the most nerve-wracking of his life. He'd been terrified that Meredith would somehow poison his relationship with Kate but, amazingly, it had had the opposite effect. He'd begun to relax – well, as much as it was possible to relax with his ex-wife and his girlfriend both under his roof – until the morning that Meredith had left. Just when his life should have been soaring into a bright blue sky, it had suddenly taken a nose-dive into bad weather.

Life with Kate was a roller coaster. He'd known what he was letting himself in for when his dreams had come true on that stormy night. After four years of observing her, he knew her inside out. It was no secret to anyone that he'd been attracted to her as soon as they met. That she didn't instantly fall for his charms piqued his interest even more. The thrill of the chase had been addictive but it hadn't taken long for him to realise that here was a woman he wanted more that just to bed. Love had grown slowly and often painfully. She was complicated but so worth the effort. He still pinched himself sometimes to make sure that he wasn't the victim of his own over-active imagination. He didn't think he'd ever get used to the amazement he felt waking up with Kate Beckett snuggled up beside him, her scent, the warmth of her body next to his. He was living his dream.

But roller coasters had plenty of dips and this morning he'd felt his stomach drop yet again. He knew that she was in this relationship for real. When she wasn't thinking too hard, she'd drop little nuggets that would make him feel warm all over. Although he'd slipped up by believing her when she'd said that they shouldn't buy each other Christmas presents, he's treasured that she'd said it was too much pressure the _first _year. That must mean that she was expecting there to be a _second_ year. Until this morning, he'd thought that she might be getting over her propensity to doubt their relationship. Recently she'd seemed more confident in them – in him. She didn't expect him to fall into bed with Meredith and that was definitely progress because as much as his ego liked jealous Beckett, he needed her to believe in them.

She'd said a couple of hours and he knew that arriving exactly two hours after she'd left made him seem needy, but he couldn't help it. He'd spent fifteen minutes flicking blindly through _Time_ and _The New Yorker_ in the coffee shop so that he wouldn't be early. He'd been ready to confront her about how she let her faith in them waver so easily but then she'd confounded and confused him by not only being pleased to see him but also being so thoughtful and caring. Not that she wasn't usually but her normal style was through actions and body language rather than in words. Telling her about Meredith had been cathartic. Only his mother knew how much he'd been hurt by the collapse of his marriage and that Kate cared enough to want to understand what he'd gone through was pretty wonderful. That she'd wanted him to take her somewhere special to him had been amazing.

He could have taken her to the venue of his first book launch or to his favourite coffee shop when he'd been a student but he sensed that she'd wanted more than that and The Book Shop had been the obvious choice because he'd known that Kate would be able to read between the lines and understand why it was so important to him. She appreciated the significance of being the only woman he'd ever taken there as much as he appreciated the significance of being the only man she'd taken to the whispering bench. That she finally acknowledged that significance in words was not as momentous as it might have been had he not realised a long time ago that she loved him too. He smiled to himself. Hearing her say it was pretty damn fantastic though. He'd almost asked her to come with him back to the loft but helping to look after his sick daughter and mother wasn't a romantic proposition. He checked his watch. Eleven thirty. She was probably still awake and, even if she were asleep, she wouldn't mind him waking her to say goodnight - he did it often enough and so did she - so he picked up his phone.

'Hey, Castle,' she said, sounding wide-awake.

'I didn't wake you?'

'No, I don't feel much like sleeping yet.'

'Me too.'

'How are Martha and Alexis?'

'Sound asleep, I'm delighted to say. I'm glad that you're still awake though.'

'So, you phoning for phone sex?'

'Um, no. I was just, but if you want to…'

'Na, I prefer the real thing.' He could hear the smile in her voice.

'I so wish you were with me right now, Kate.'

'Well get off your butt and open your front door.'

'Huh?'

'Sometimes, Castle, you're so slow. I'm waiting at the door. You want to let me in or shall I get out my gun?'

**So, a little detour to look at the day through Castle's eyes. Final M-rated chapter on its way. Should I change the rating of the story or post the last chapter separately? You views and reviews would be appreciated as always.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay. Real world commitments took over for a while. Here's the final chapter, definitely rated M though I've tried to keep it in tune with their day rather than only gratuitous sex. Please let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

Chapter 8

'You're here!'

'I am. You're very observant tonight, Castle. You also have coffee all over your shirt. May I come in?' Kate asked. Castle was holding the door open, his smile crumpling his face and crinkling his eyes.

'You most certainly can.' He stood back, leaning forward to kiss her as she stepped into the loft before realising that his shirt was dripping. He wafted his hand in the direction of the wet patch. 'I got up quickly. I should, er, I should probably change.'

'Yeah. Maybe you should,' she said, taking off her coat and scarf.

She was pouring two glasses of red wine when he came back, still pulling on a t-shirt over a pair of sweat pants.

'Figured you've probably had enough coffee. You needed to change your shorts too? You must have been very pleased to see me.'

'You have no idea. Now where was I?' He took both glasses of wine from her and put them down on the kitchen counter and, wrapping one arm firmly round her waist, he pulled her tight against his body. Running his other hand through her hair, he kissed her deeply, drinking her in. He slackened his hold a little so that he could pull away enough to study her face.

'And yet further evidence that my dreams come true. There I was wishing that you were with me and you magically appear at the door.' He read the invitation in her parted lips and hooded eyes and he leant hard against her, trapping her against the counter, his leg pushing between hers. She responded, resting her hands on his hips and taking his bottom lip between hers, running her teeth over it, her tongue gently caressing.

'Dad, may I have a drink of water?' Castle groaned at the sound of Alexis' voice, leaning his forehead against Kate's. 'Dad?'

'Coming,' he called, releasing Kate. She met his apologetic look with an understanding grin, and took a shaky breath before picking up her wine glass. 'Don't go away. I'll be back in a minute,' he said, filling a jug with ice water.

Alexis sipped from the glass he held to her lips, leaning against his arm as she so often had as a child.

'How are you feeling? Not too hot?' His felt her forehead and was relieved that it was just comfortably warm.

'Fine. Just thirsty. Were you talking to someone?'

'Kate.' He nodded.

'Good. I'm glad she came back. You never should have let Mom stay, you know.'

'I know, but your mother… She really wanted to look after you.'

She tutted at him as she lay down. 'What she wanted was to check out you and Kate and she wasn't happy about what she found.'

'What do you mean?' he asked, pulling up the bed clothes and smoothing them over her.

'She thought that Kate was just another of your flings and when she discovered that you're serious about each other she didn't like it. You know what she's like.'

Castle was more interested in his daughter's take on his relationship with Kate than his ex-wife's. 'So, you think we're serious?'

'Dad, I'm not blind. It's been obvious for years how you feel about her. I'm really happy that she feels the same way about you. Now go away and let me get some sleep.' She curled up and he kissed her head.

As he came back down the stairs a few minutes later, he saw Kate sitting on the sofa, sipping her wine. She looked comfortable in his home and he wondered when he should suggest that she move in. Not yet - he knew that - and maybe not for a long time. His lover was fiercely independent and he wouldn't push her into such a big decision. Besides, he liked spending nights in her apartment, surrounded by all her stuff, wondering about the stories behind the things that made the place hers. They woke up together more often than not and, for now, that was good enough. She heard his steps and turned to smile up at him and he wondered if your heart really could leap because it sure felt like his just had. They held eye contact as he came to join her on the sofa and he clinked his glass against hers as he sat beside her.

'How's she doing?'

'Much better. Just thirsty.'

'Did you mention I was here?' Kate asked, her eyes shifting down to her glass.

'I did and she said good.'

'She did? I thought maybe she'd want you to herself for a while and that's why you hadn't asked me to come with you,' she lifted her eyes to his, as if searching for the truth.

'I didn't ask you to come because I thought it wouldn't be much fun for you to be here with me looking after two patients.'

'I'd like to help but if I'm in the way…' He reached out to take her hand in his.

'You're never in the way, Kate. Thank you for being here. I think they'll both be fine now. Alexis' fever has gone and Mother's sound asleep.'

'Glad to hear it. Let's have a toast. To Meredith,' she said. He lifted his glass to meet hers, hesitating just a moment when he heard his ex-wife's name, before grinning and lightly touching his glass to hers, understanding exactly what she meant.

'To Meredith. May she have a lovely holiday in Paris in complete ignorance of what she has achieved. God, she'd be so pissed,' he said, and they smiled as they drank to the health of the troublesome redhead, both thankful to have not just survived the last few days but to be stronger than ever.

'So, when you were wishing I was here, what were you imagining we might be doing?' Kate asked him, her lips not quite meeting so he could see the tip of her tongue between her teeth.

'This,' he said, taking her glass to put it down with his before leaning towards her but she stopped him with her palm on his chest.

'Not here,' she whispered, her eyes flickering towards the stairs. He nodded, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.

Kate took her time undressing, her eyes following Castle around the room as he lit candles and turned off lamps. He watched as she undid her shirt buttons, and unzipped her pants, his eyes following her hands as she slid them over her golden skin, easing off her blouse and trousers, undoing her black bra, sliding inside her panties to edge them over her hips, allowing them to drop to the floor, until she stood in front of him completely naked, one hand stroking her chest, just above her perfect breasts, the other resting on her firm abdomen. He moistened his dry lips, taking in her overwhelming beauty and took his lead from her, slowly removing his t-shirt and easing his track pants down so they could fall around his feet, revealing evidence of just how pleased he was to see her. He watched her watching him. She was still for a few moments, except for her eyes that ranged over his body, before she took a step towards him, closing the gap between them and he moved to do the same, tripping on his pants so that he staggered into her arms. They both laughed but it didn't break the spell. Laughter and fun was very much part of their lovemaking. He'd never been as relaxed with a woman as he was with her and he sensed that it was true for her too.

Kate's laughing face turned up to his and they kissed lightly, both smiling. He took her hand and led her to the bed and she glided under the covers, making room for him to follow her. He slid in, laying on his side to face her, resting his head on his arm, content for a moment just to watch her face, his eyes moving from her smiling dark eyes to her full glistening lips. Sometimes sex with Kate was wild and ferocious, as they desperately strove to get more of each other, and sometimes they laughed a lot, teasing and tempting, testing boundaries and never finding ones they weren't prepared to cross together. Other times, all they needed was to hold each other and to fall asleep wrapped in the other's arms. Tonight they needed something different and she edged towards him, her open mouth meeting his in a slow kiss, their tongues gently twining together. They inched closer pressing their bodies together and Castle sighed as he felt her pert nipples against his chest and her groin against his erection. He stroked her, exploring her body with his hands as she did the same to him, both moving slowly in a glorious erotic dance. He rested his hand on her shoulder, easing her on to her back and, sliding his body along hers, he circled one nipple with his tongue before taking it in his mouth to suck it firmly as he lightly skimmed the other with his fingers. Kate ran her fingers through his hair and her hips began their rhythmic rise and fall as he switched his attention to her other nipple before sliding further down to delve into her belly button and to trace kisses along her skin to the top of her legs, teasing across her groin with his tongue until he could taste her, licking and sucking as she rose towards him so he could push his rolled tongue into her. Her breathing was quicker now but her hips maintained the same steady pace.

She twisted so that they moved together to switch positions, Castle rolling onto his back, still licking and sucking until she slid down, leaving a trail of her juices on his chin and chest, her mouth meeting his to taste herself. She took her time slithering further down, rubbing her body against his until her breasts rested either side of his hard column. He squeezed them gently together so he was trapped between them and she rocked up and down, caressing his abdomen with her lips and tongue. As she slipped her breasts out of his grasp, her feet dropped off the end of the bed and she took him into her mouth, licking and sucking, rising and falling with the tempo of his hips until he knew he couldn't hold it much longer. She sensed that he was almost there and crawled back up until her mouth met his again and she was straddling him. Pulling her mouth away from his, she lifted her hips high so he could guide himself into her. She eased down until he filled her, holding him there for a moment before they continued their rhythmic dance, his hands on her hips guiding her up and down. They held each others eyes and he watched as she began to lose focus, her mouth opening wider and, as her head dropped backwards and he felt her pulsing orgasm he let go, pumping into her. Tonight there were no shouts or moans but that only increased the intensity as they came together until she dropped onto him, spent. She lay on him until he slid out of her and she eased to one side, resting her head on his chest and wrapping an arm and leg across him.

She turned her face up towards his and kissed under his chin and then, for the second time that day, Kate Beckett said, 'I love you, Richard Castle.'

He squeezed her tight and said, 'I love you too, Kate Beckett,' smiling as he kissed her hair. He wasn't going to tire of hearing those words anytime soon.


End file.
